Sunday, December 30, 2012

Happy New Year 2013

I love New Year’s Eve. For me it is the day where I turn the page and start a new one. Because 2012 was not my favourite year with my knee injury which caused me not to be too happy about.

Honestly I can’t wait for midnight to tick … I am clicking the delete button to remove all the things that made me sad! On the other hand I am keeping the beautiful moment like my hubby's MBA graduation and job promotion and of course having my precious little D in my life.

2012 was black and white. I had goals and I kept so hard trying to achieve them but the harder I tried the more I got disappointed because I couldn’t adjust to the new situation!  I believe everything happens for a reason and because of that I am the strong woman that I am today!

I started 2012 with the wrong foot but it was a life lesson. Life can get in the way but after my 2012 experience, I learned that life can throw you off track and mess up your plans. But that doesn’t mean you have to throw in the towel and give up. You have to be realistic and easy on yourself. When you feel off track and you don’t feel like you are accomplishing your goals, relax a bit, realize that the situation won’t go on forever and then get yourself right back on track. Goals and resolutions should be flexible and fluid. They should always be in the back of your mind and you should always be making small efforts to try and accomplish them, but when life gets in the way, don’t use it as an excuse to quit. Use it as a resting period for all your previous hard work. Enjoy the rest, then get right back on track. Look at it as just a little bump in the road that caused some ripples in your plan. It didn’t destroy your plan.

I am so positive about 2013, I know it is going to be a healthy year! Already the end of 2012 has been only but amazing and that’s a good end of a new beginning!

2013 is going to different than previous years. This time in place of having too many goals I have only one goal. This goal is “Love the life I live, live the life I love” . In other words, the sky is the limit and with the support of the people who truly love me I am just going to do the things that makes me happy and and are the best for me and for my little family!

So if this means running Boston marathon in April 2013 or running my 1st trail in August or road biking my 1st race in July or doing more triathlons? THEN THIS IS GONNA BE IT!


I wish you all an awesome 2013 :-)

Sunday, December 23, 2012

SantaRun & TwitRun

How fun can running be? 

Q- Santa Run
Santa-Nes on the left before the start! :)
Every year before Christmas there is few runs where you get to wear your Santa clause outfit and run! Few weeks back I heard of the Q music Santa Run a 5.5 km race in Ijstelstein which is not too far from where I live. I got all excited but the only disadvantage of that run that it is on a Thursday evening which means I have to work a full day before I can get to run. 
 At first I was going to run with Falko who won the race last year but he was not feeling well on that day he had to cancel. On Thursday it was raining so hard and I had a Birthday Party in the evening. The combination made me a little hesitant but with some self motivation I decided   
                                                                   to Just Do IT!!

I left work a little later than I wanted, due to meetings and rushed to Ijstelstein, I arrived 15 min before the start of the race. I parked my car and run fast under the rain and picked up my start number and my Santa hat. I bumped into Ans who was also going to run with some friends. After a small chit chat with her I headed to the start. The atmosphere was very nice with music, a stadium and warm up drills...
At 18:30, the dutch artist Isle Delange fired the start gun for the Q- Santa run. I started running and after 1 km I had to stop because car were driving and no one was stopping them but  then started running again. Despite the stop,  I enjoyed my run so much along the road people of the town were cheering up.
Before I even think about it I was already at the finish line. I crossed the finish line as a 1st lady from about 150 SantaWomen and 19th overall from 406 SantaRunners with a time of 23' 44.
With a big smile, from the finish line , I drove fast to my house, got refreshed and headed to the birthday party! That was a busy day but just being able to combine everything gives me a self satisfaction feeling but also I would never been able to do it without the support of my big fan!

Losseveter Link: Vermeulen en Leene winnen in Ijsselstein

TwitRun is a run with runners that maybe you have met before or maybe not but you know each other via twitter and share the same passion:Running! In the past I read about twitter run here and there but I never got the chance to attend one.  I got via facebook an invitation from Wendy and Martin couple weeks ago and manged to make it this time.
Wendy, Yvonne, Onno and Paul
Dave, Edwin, Martin, Annelies, Bianca
At 10:00 I met with other 17 TwitRunners in Heemskerk a town where I have never been to. Martin makes a speech and explains that a group will run about 10 km with Annelies as a guide and another group about 15km with Martin as a guide.
Edwin, Rob, Onno, Marten, Edwin, Jan, Bianca, Dave, Paul, Tim,
Me, Yvonne, Marcel, Wendy
Dave, Martin, Annelies, Jolande

I chose to go with the 15 km group. Martin made sure to work us out but no one was unhappy because you still can run your own pace. He took us on a beautiful road in the woods with uphills and downhills toward the sea. Once we climbed the last hill and got the the view of the sea, I got is so beautiful!! The sand was not super hard so it made me worry about my knee but thanks god I almost didn't feel anything, the wind was blowing the direction we were running so this made it even nicer to just run and run! The sound of the waves, the cracking sound under my feet and the breeze of the wind blowing in my hair  made me daydream!! I simply loved it!! After 2.5 km on the sand we met up with the other group took a small picture moment and headed back to the starting point.
I was almost sad it was over, I was already asking when are you we coming back again?

At the parking I changed into something dry and warm and went to have a cup of coffee with everyone else.
Me and Bianca

Thank you Wendy and Martin for organizing this event!

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Ameland Adventure Run

Ameland HM Parcours

I am not sure how to fit this whole adventure weekend in one Blog! I had an awesome weekend in Ameland with 10 other runners in one house!
"The WellNess Farm"

Back in May, Silvia sent messages and emails around for the people who would like to go to Ameland the island. The deal is to leave on Friday Dec 14th share a house, on saturday run a HM or a 10 km or 5 km race then in the evening enjoy a night together and on Sunday head back home. Back in May I was injured but I wanted to have something to look forward to in the hope that in December my knee injury will be fixed and I will be able to run a HM. I signed up for the weekend away not knowing what to expect or not even knowing if I will be able to run a HM

The Ameland Club members are: Silvia, Ellemiek, Yvonne, Esther, Merit, Andrea, Harm, Marcel, Edwin, Ronald and myself.

Ameland is my 2nd Half marathon of the year since my injury and I didnt really have a big goal but deep in my heart I wanted to run just a little faster then 1:36 which was the time of the WeststrandWegRun. I was also not sure how my knee would react on the sand and in the forest with the hills.

2 weeks before Ameland my mailbox was exploding with messages about this weekend away. Who should do the shopping what we are going to cook and drink which restaurant we are going to , who is coming and who is not coming anymore, who is driving with who, where shall we meet, what time the boat leaves which car is going to the island, the costs and so on... Not only my mailbox was exploding but also my twitter account!!! Since I turned off the notification from my phone when I receive a tweet, there are days after not checking my twitter for couple days I get shocked to see over  50 mentions!!  Geez what am I missing here? All these tweets were about #AmelandHereWeCome and the fun weekend with the 11 of us! Not being very active on twitter I forgot how fun it is and I got back in the groove of enjoying to tweet again and talk to everyone who shares my passion: RUNNING!!

Everything went as planned. Esther drove 2 hours all the way from the south and spent the night at my place on thursday. We had dinner together and John dropped by we had a nice evening! On Friday morning after a nice breakfast I went with Esther to do the grocery shopping for 11 people before we hit the road to Holwerd and catch the boat to Ameland. Shopping was exciting! We had 2 full carts of groceries!!
Shopping for 11 Ameland travellers!

The boat was planned to leave at 13:30 and the plan was to meet with Ronald, Merit, Yvonne en Marcel who came all together in one car and also Edwin, Andrea and Harm who came with their own way of transportation. Ronald was going to take his car to the island so we had to put all our bags and groceries in his car.

Driving like a crazy Esther and me arrived barely on time to Holwerd where everyone beside Silvia and Ellemiek who were catching the later boat, were waiting for us....Thats how it went and that is how I saw it and the way I keep seeing it >>>>The moment Ronald and Co. saw my car pulling in the parking they started jumping waving screaming so I go fast and park my car next to Ronald's car and before I even open my door to say hello to everyone all doors of my car and trunck were open  the grocery and bags were out and when I stepped out of the car I look around and  my car was empty!! I was like what the hell!!! Honeslty that deserves a prize for the best team work!!! :-)

 Ronald went fast to place his car on the ship and  we headed  to the boat. A 20 min ride already laughing and having a good time and these were the signs of a great fun weekend ahead of us.

On the island  we started to walk toward the house waiting for Ronald to drop the grocery and pick us up. Andrea decided to run to the house!!  The wind was hard but we enjoyed couple km of walk in  in the City of " Nes" where I had to take a foto since most close people call me Nes for short ;)

Thats our house!! A beautiful house with 6 bedrooms, a swimming pool, a sauna.... We got installed almost every 2 of us shared a bedroom I was sharing a room with Esther. We waited for Silvia and Ellemiek to arrive. Ellemiek was also bringing her car to the island. Once they arrived we had a nice sushi snack that was delicious and Silvia cooked pasta for everyone later on.

I was so full from the sushi I had a salad later on and enjoyed couple glasses of wine with my meal. Then we all went to the swimming pool and sauna and didn't sleep till 1 or 2 am I dont even know anymore.... We laughed so much we talked we joked we had a fun evening, time flew away!! We were all relaxed since the race doesn't start till 14:00 next day so no stress of going early to bed.

I went to sleep later, I had a long pants, long sleeves pyjamas on and it was very warm in the bedroom and the bed was not the most comfortable one... I thought I will sleep till 10 am but unfortunately it didn't go as planned. I was sweating and I was full awake at 5 am. I had 3 hours of sleep!! I went downstairs to have coffee with Yvonne and Edwin.  For breakfast I had a small toast, I was nervous because my knee was a little sensitive from all the jumping in the swimming pool the night before and I wanted to run good!

We went 2 cars to the start to see the finish of the 5 km where Andrea finished 2nd and to catch the start of the 10 km where Yvonne, Ellemiek and Marcel were part of. Then Merit, Esther, Silvia, Ronald and I got ready for the HM. Ronald and I were starting in the first start slot since we are part of the professional runners. At the start I meet with @Hero who finished first of the men in his age group! Respect!!Ronald recognized other people he knew. Ronald his goal is to run his best and in worst case scenario he will wait for me...

Start took off and I stayed few meters behind Ronald, Km 1 went too fast for me at 4:09 but I felt good I thought well just do your best Nes! Up and down in the forest then a small down and then again a steep up and here I was running on the sand along a beautiful beach .. My knee felt ok I was also feeling strong ...Every km went by I checked my Garmin to see that I am running at average pace of 4'10 I was surprised that I am running at this pace but it felt good and I kept seeing Ronald few meters ahead of me... At the end of the sand a steep uphill on soft sand I run it fast and suddenly I felt obnoxious  I felt light headed as If I was empty... everything was gone...I had no more energy!!  I did not even reach km 9!! I stopped, I walked I Jogged slowly till the water post which was just after km 10. I had something to drink and a slice of orange...I felt more energized and started to run again and I put a positive attitude I said to myself " come on Nes you can do it at least it is not your knee that is hurting you and if you don't finish in a good time you would have made a good training from it!" By the time I arrived at km 13 I had a sharp pain in my belly and I couldn't go anymore. My tears started to run on my face I stopped I walked I run again and I couldn't.I thought I would wait for Silvia and we will run together.... While waiting I started to freeze of cold I tried to jog again but the belly pain was sharp like cramps!! This is it.... I would hate to say I gave up, I didn't !! My body was not cooperating!! A sweet lady saw me shivering and tearfully in pain. She offered me a ride back to the start...without words I sit next to her and I go to the start.... When I arrived I heard Ronald's name on the speaker he just crossed the finish line in 1:39... I walked toward him in disappointments!! I still had no words, he told me he waited for me few times, he also had a tough time on that course he was not feeling fit to run his best!! He was still smiling and happy! He tried to cheer me up and tried to make me laugh... I whatsapped Marcel if someone could come and pick me up from those who were already at house.

So sweet of Marcel in few minutes he was there and took me back to the house while Ronald was waiting for the rest to finish and give them a ride back. I was still sitting and over analysing what went wrong but now thinking about it, what went wrong it was a combination of mistakes. Very little sleep, not enough food, not enough water after the wine of the night before and most importantly I think of myself as if I am a super woman!! How on earth did I dare to start so fast? I have been running exactly 3 months since my injury and not on a specific training just on the go,  making my own training without guidance... what made me think that I can start at 4'10 and finish? Sometimes my ambition and self motivation make me forget the reality!! My body was not even close to handle such a speed, I need to train and train before I can race at that level!!
Well from this race I learned a lot. Honestly I am not running for time anymore ...the next few races are going to be just for the feeling.... Today my knee was not feeling 100% so this is a bigger reason  to run and build my fitness and slowly build up my speed... I am forgetting that for 9 months I almost didn't do anything!! Honestly what was I thinking??? We live and learn right?

Well after I showered and caught up with everyone my smile was back on my face and I was ready for an awesome evening. Everyone was happy with their results. Yvonne finished without pain, Esther run the whole HM on her vibram shoes, Marcel, Ellemiek, Silvia, Merit and Edwin did not push it but they were satisfied!

In the evening we headed to a restaurant and then we spent the night at the house talking laughing till 3:30 am. I laughed so hard with everyone else and especially the girls!

Next day we woke up slowly, Yvonne and Marcel wanted a ride with me, Esther left her car at my place, so Marcel after a very short night of sleeping he agreed to drive my car to Zaandam where we said goodbye and with Esther I headed back to my home to my boys whom I missed a lot!

Ameland is called an adventure run for a reason, that whole weekend was an adventure. Next time if I go to Ameland I will not focus on the race and most likely I will run a 5 km because being able to sleep on time and be fit in a house with 10 other people is not possible....They are way too much fun!!

Ameland Here I came and Here I will come again! 
Thank you Ameland Club for that wonderful weekend!!

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Power Song

Do you ever listen to music and from the lyrics you feel so strong?
I am packing heading for a 3 day weekend away with some FUN runner friends to run my second Half marathon of 2012 on an a beautiful island called Ameland! I am so excited because I am going to race again and so excited that I am gong to spend a super nice weekend.....In the background the music of this song are on full speaker ...

This Girl Is on Fire!!



Sunday, November 25, 2012

WestrandWeg Run

When I first heard of the WestrandWegRun I just knew that I should be part of it. I only wasn’t sure if I will be ready for it! WestrandwegRun took place on a newly constructed highway (A5) which is planned to be open for traffic Mid-December 2012. The length of the road is about 10km connecting Raasdorp in Haarlemmermeer with the A10 around Amsterdam and 3 of these km are viaduct.

Monday, November 19, 2012

A moment like that ...

Most of the time I like writing about running, but today I chose to write about a priceless moment in my life which is the birthday of my little boy.
Baby D became a real toddler (Peuter D) and turned 2 today. YES 2!!! Honestly time flies!! What an amazing moment to share this special day and see his excitement blowing those 2 candles.

Blowing candle #2
He was so focused and determined trying to blow the candles! Then " Mama en Papa" helped him to cut the cake. He was so excited to cut his favorite cake " Bumba"

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Zilveren Turfloop 2012

Here I am standing again at the start of the Zilveren Turfloop in Mijdrecht ready to run a 5km. The weather was just perfect!! Cold but sunny!  All I wanted is to run fast but not too fast...Euh!! More like run without any knee pain but not disappoint myself!
At the start, I was with Falco my fast neighbour who decided a day before the race to join my ride and run a fast 5k.

Falco n Me before the start

Sunday, October 21, 2012

PainFree Race

Honestly, I am not sure where to start from,  I am over excited!! Today was a big achievement!
I finished  the 8 km of Amsterdam marathon, without any knee pain before, during and after, the pain that has been lingering around for the last 9 months!!
Since a month I have been able to run without pain, but I did have in between many ups and downs. Everyday since I postponed the surgery to release my IT band, from Oct 11th to end of November, I wondered if I made the right decision. My knee is not strong, I dont believe I can run and finish without having to stop because of the pain!

Today was simply a great day! At 7:30 John en Ans came and picked me up. John a little bit nervous is going to run with Christel the marathon and his goal is to have a strong finish . We parked the car and walked to De Hardloopwinkel in the Stadium where the tweetup is held.  Joan is such a great host she arranged coffee, drinks and cookies for whoever wanted and also she let us drop our bags and use her W.C Thank you Joan for the great service!

Christel, John And Me

Monday, October 8, 2012

Mud Masters 2012

I am a Mud Master!

Saturday @5:00 AM: Just woke up because of the sound of the rain, it was pouring so hard as if someone just turned the water on from the sky. Some thoughts running in my head doubting if I should do the MudMaster which I signed up for it few months ago. The doubts were mainly fear of causing more damage to my knee who has been behaving good the last few weeks.
Mud masters is where I get to run in the mud push my boundaries on an adventurous trail of 12 km of military obstacles, barbed wire, water a pyramid hill and... the shocking “Sizzler” obstacle.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Shall I do the ITBS Surgery?

I love running for the beauty, simplicity, community, love, pain, courage, struggle, and patience it brings into my life.  Realize that for me, running is greater than what can be put into words.

I have been enjoying to go on a run in the last 2 weeks more than I have ever enjoyed before. I have been running without pain, without the pain that didn't want to leave me alone. Being away from what I love to do for such a long time made me appreciate and cherish every step I can make without pain.

Running is my time to get away from everything and I do some of my best thinking when I’m running. Or if I have nothing to think about, I shut my brain totally off and space out. It’s my de-stresser, it keeps me sane, it give me energy, power and self control and sometimes that's all I need to keep me going. I have been feeling Fantastic lately and this mainly because I am back to running.
Running without pain is something I kept dreaming of from the moment I got injured.  My injury was a real nightmare not only because I couldn't run but because I couldn't even walk normally, in the morning I walk down the stairs limping, it really took a toll on my life. My injury prevented me from being Fit from being Me. It is true I tried to do a triathlon or other things but always I came out with lots of disappointment and pain. For 9 months i struggled to find peace with myself, I had too much energy in me and I didn't know how to loose it.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Dam tot DamLoop 2012

I woke up with a heart beat of 180. I am excited and scared...
Today is the day i am going to run a full race of 16 km in Amsterdam, today is 9 months and 25 days  since my last race, today is 2 weeks before my ITBS release surgery...
It has been exactly one week since I have been managing to run everyday without any knee pain. On Saturday 15th of September, after my trip to the US and the famous American deep tissue massage that I had and left my whole leg bruised in blue for 4 days, I went on a run "Pre-Ameland Run" with a nice group of runners and I managed to run  9 km without much pain. I was very surprised but I thought that the next day it will get bad!! But It didn't!!

Yesterday I went on another 5 km run when I came home super hyper energetic and those are the signs of a good run. My  hubby asked me why don't you run Dam tot Dam since you have a start number and see how far you go? Well I answered I am not ready! I love racing because I love to run fast and be faster than my fastest time.... so why even bother....and I am scared, what if I stop in the middle of the way? Now i have been enjoying my pain free run of 5 km why would I want to ruin that?

So he gave me my start number for Dam to Dam, he got it via his work and he was hiding it from me, he didn't want me to be disappointed again and he said tomorrow you should run it! Take your phone with you Just send me your location the moment you feel any pain and I will pick you up!

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Hell Run Chicago

It was time for another vacation and this time the destination was: USA
During my 3 weeks stay I got to meet my sister, who lives in Chicago. She knows how frustrated I have been with my knee injury, but still she signed me up to a Hell Run race on Sept 1st with the idea that we go there and have lots of fun! 

Hell run Is a 5 k of muddy fun! I have never participated in an event like this and it was super wild.

 Basically you run a little bit then climb huge walls

and  wade through a pool of mud,

Sunday, July 1, 2012

I did it!! My First Triathlon

In my perfect world I'll be the triathlete tearing the Olympic course in London next month and challenge for the Ironman championship in Hawaii. But dreams begin with that first step and for me it's the time when I registered for my first triathlon 10 min away from my house, a 500 meter swim, 20K bike ride, and a 5K run on the Lint in Vleuten.

I'm a total newbie, my swimming skills sucks big time, I am nowhere to be considered a good swimmer I never took lessons or anything like that  I only swim just to swim! Cycling?... well I don't regularly bike but I know how to bike and I am big fan of Lance Armstrong! Running? Well that’s where I can consider myself a good amateur runner in an injury free situation.

The day started with a nice sunshine and me being very nervous! Why Nervous? I really didn't trust my knee in the last weeks I have done too much and I knew that I have been over doing it! The worst thing I was scared of that I won't be able to finish the 5 km run! I put a confidence attitude and my goal was to enjoy a nice day with family and friends! 
The start of the 1/16 was at 10 am  and the start of the 1/8 triathlon was at 11:00. Ans came by me at 9:15 and we went together to pick our start packet. The wind was really hard and it felt almost cold! I am not complaining I just couldn't wait to start! I missed racing so much!

Just Before the Start with Ans
Swimming is my least favorite event! Who cares? I am going there and going to give it all ! Water temperature was 21 degrees. it was basically warmer than the temperature outside. The gunshot went off at 11:00 and 500m of swimming were in front of me! I didn't expect that it would be so hard but I loved working myself out!  For sure from now on I will be hitting the lake or the swimming pool to improve my swimming skills!! I want to be fast a fast swimmer! :)

Transition 1
It went smooth but I wasn't super happy because I felt the whole world was faster than me. This is just because I have a competitive attitude...event hough I had no other expectations!!  I run out the water to the area where I left my bike, I put my helmet on , my start number and of course my shoes and hit the 20 km ride, knowing that I can catch up a little bit...

Biking on the Lint was very nice! My legs felt strong, I felt strong, I had my favorite music in my ears, wind with me or against me nothing was going to stop me from pedaling my heart out!  I felt the adrenaline rush running through my veins! I freaking missed and loved that feeling! As predicted I must have past over 20 ladies.... 
Biking average pace was 33km/h...
On the bike!

Monday, May 7, 2012

Road to Recovery

After much research and experimentation I'll now publish my thoughts on the most effective approach to coping with Iliotibial Band Syndrome. It should be noted that this is a nasty little injury and must be attacked in an aggressive manner, as it will not go away on its own. It's also a deceptive injury that made me think many times that I am “cured” but I was wrong!

You have to be mentally strong and keep seeing things positively, which it was not in my situation but you live and learn! Mentally I was broken, since December it just seemed running and me were not getting along at all!! It was a serious fight, I fight the pain and the pain was fighting me… Without the right attitude the pain will always win! I was everyday trying to run and everyday I was getting disappointed and I didn’t want to try anything else, I was more negative than positive and  the main thing that was missing is believing in myself, which delayed the whole recovery process.  

So lately for short you could call me Mrs Google, I haven’t left one document on the internet, I didn’t read about it! The more you read the more you start dreaming about Mr Google and this can drive you insane!!
Advice DO NOT GOOGLE an injury you end up with nightmares! So I had to experiment lots of things I read and honestly you don’t want to know everything… Here are few things I tried…

I visited way too many physiotherapists, sport doctors, chiropractor…I think my insurance company soon will be coming to my house knocking on the door with a Huuuuge Bill.
I even went to an osteopath…Yep I found him on google :) I might need to call him "wonderDoctor" because after my last visit and after he clicked my back and my leg “Klik Klak” things started to get better.
Was it really thanks to him? Well I am sure he added some values to my recovery.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Motivational Picture


Few Months back I was fighting with myself if I should run Utrecht or Rotterdam marathon.
Today, it would be day # 106 since the last time I had a good run. Not being able to run any of these marathons has been very hard. I still can't  run without pain. The pain doesn't want to give up on me!! Now I can't even imagine that I ever run a marathon or I cant even imagine that I will ever run a marathon again in my whole life! 

 I am thankful to this picture from Beirut Marathon
which keeps me motivated and keeps reminding me that
once I was a runner,
once I run a marathon,
once I did finish a marathon,
and once not only run but run FAST.
This picture hides 1000 of words and memories. 

Beirut Marathon- 27-11-11 - First Lebanese woman- 3:09:09

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Pain is Temporary, Running is Forever

I am at the peak of  my fitness: I have done everything I can to get myself at this level of my fitness, i run my first marathon in 3:11 then second marathon within 6 weeks in 3:09, life couldn't be better at that time... I am thinking about huge PRs, thinking about running Utrecht marathon as an Elite runner, I am visualizing it, i am dreaming of it and maybe Olympic games down the road… then went out on a run 2 weeks after the marathon and came home limping.  One day, a dark day, I get out of bed and all the sudden my left knee starts to kill. Something happend, and I can’t run anymore.

A flood of emotions hit: I am scared, confused, upset, angry, and nervous all at the same time. It’s an icky feeling. I felt that my world is collapsing. I found myself going through the 5 stages of grief:

Denial – I’ll be fine tomorrow! It’s just a little ache. Nothing major. Or I’ll even go run on it anyway because there is no way it could be anything bad. January 1st i did run anyway with a pain in my knee...

Anger – Why me? Why me? WHY ME!!? I don’t deserve this.

Bargaining – I can make it through, I will run Egmond and take few weeks off then I will run Schoorl and I will be ready for Utrecht Marathon. I can run through pain It can’t make it worse, can it? I’ll do whatever I can!

Depression – Why do I even try to stay in shape? Why do I even bother to run in the first place? I’m a failure, my life sucks, nothing is making me happy, nothing is giving me energy. The sun should just stop coming up…. 

Acceptance – I’m injured. There is nothing I can do about it but let myself heal. This too shall pass. So at least I better enjoy the moment...

With my current injury, I was in denial until I visited 4 phisio and they all came with the same answer. Then it was difficult to get past the middle three stages. When I went to Schoorl and watched the race I started thinking about what time I would have liked to run and in what time I would have finished. I would start bargaining. I would start bargaining because it killed me to know that I am not there at the start of the race. I would start to feel almost depressed and negative which is against my personality, because I am a very happy positive person in normal life. Then now, I am allowed to run again, although only for a short amount of time and slowly, and I am finally accepting it. It took me a long time to reach acceptance.

Dealing with the emotional side of injury is half the battle. It’s probably more like 3/4 of the battle for us runners or at least for me. I can tolerate physical pain, that’s for sure. I wouldn’t enjoy running if I couldn’t. But the fact that running has such a heavy influence on my emotions is what makes it so difficult. You know how they say the “Runner’s High”. That’s because running is so cathartic and it boosts my endorphins! It’s hard to feel good everyday when one of the things that usually boosts my mood is taken away. 

Life is more then just running but I love running so much that’s why I still get upset that I am injured! I miss it so much! No one would understand unless you are a die hard runner.
Many days already, when looking at the sun on an early morning on my way to work or on an early sunday wanting to run with the sunrise or looking at the moon wanting to run under the moonlight,    I cried and cried my heart out!!

Today it was a great emotional motivational day. I biked the Utrecht Marathon course behind the top runners! I was very emotional because i should have been also running with them but motivational because talking to other runners about my injury and hearing their thoughts and advice sometimes is what i need to stay motivated! My short term goal is to be able to run again and my long term goal is to be running in Rio in 2016.... I want to go to the Olympics because i can... I am lucky enough because i only have to run a sub 3:00...I have the time and i know i can and for now let the time heal let it be!!

" I will be back running and even stronger…."

I just heard this song by Cold play " fix you"it Illustrates how I feel sometimes!!


Saturday, February 25, 2012

Being on the Spot

February 2012 I had the honor to be featured in
Runner's World Nederland.

The photo was taken sometimes in January I had to step in -10 weather in a short and t shirt! I was freezing! I think from the photo you can see how I am so contracted! Overall i had a great time...
"Feeling of a Star"

Friday, February 10, 2012

A Runner's Nightmare: Iliotibial Band Syndome

Have you heard of Tennis elbow? Sure!! What about a runner's knee??

        With my little experience with running I never thought an injury can keep me away from exercising and mainly running for that long! After I made an ambitious New Year resolution, my left knee started to hurt from outside. I thought 1 or 2 days of rest will do the work and I will be back on my feet running.. i wish it was true!!
January 1st after running a nice 8 km with Running Repel on the Lint “ New Year Run” , my knee situation went only downhill.
The next day I couldn’t walk the stairs but also I couldn’t walk at all without pain!!! This is really a nightmare for a girl who is so ambitious as I am!! I stayed positive and kept convincing myself it will go away and I will be ready to run Egmond HM on 8th of January, Unfortunatelly Egmond has to wait another year! I decided to see a physiotherapist just to have a look and to reassure me that it is nothing serious and that the pain will go away in couple of days! Well I definitely heard what I didn't want to hear. He said I am suffering from Iliotibial Band Syndome (ITB).

What is ITB, I have never heard of it!

The iliotibial band, is a connective tissue sheet that runs along the outside (lateral) thigh. It connects to the crest of the pelvis (where you would put your hands if I said put your hands on your hips) to the shin bone (tibia) just below the knee. The IT band's anatomy is complex but it's main job is to stabilize the knee. Most people are blissfully unaware of the IT band's existence until it starts giving them pain: iliotibial band syndrome.
The syndrome typically gives pain on the lateral aspect of the knee, especially if running downhill or walking downstairs. Other than a sprain, the pain is on the outside of the knee, so it makes diagnosis pretty easy. At the upper outer thigh, the ITB passes over the greater trochanter, which is a bony prominence of the femur close to the hip joint. If the ITB is tight it may rub against the greater trochanter and give upper "hip" pain.
I thought maybe physio # 1 didn't know what he was talking about because I was still hoping I could hear the answer I wanted to I decided to have a second opinion but Physio # 2 gave me the same answer!!! With a big disappointment I started a little bit to accept the idea but as stubborn as I am I really had to go to physio # 3 for a last opinion, maybe he had something else to tell me. Of course nothing new came from Physio # 3. From that moment the idea of resting and not running started to grow in my little head.

It has been over 30 days without running  and that was hard just because when you enjoy something so much it is always hard to stop doing it! Running has taught me about myself, it has pushed my limits , tested and proved my work ethic, my dedication, my will and resiliency. It made me stronger and developed my character it has also given me more than normal amount of time of serious introspection time. Running mainly  brings peace and happiness to my life as well as pain - but the pain brings appreciation and growth.
Yes, I am aware that running isn't the only activity in existence that can bring this to a person, but it has been a very effective source in my life, and I think it can be for most people.

Since last week I am allowed to start building up my running but I haven’t managed to run more than 30 min without pain. I am appreciating every minute I can run…  On Sunday 12/2 I Will have to miss another race “Schoorl’ . I am a bit disappointed but I have a lifetime in front of me to run races and be a fast runner! For now I will be enjoying a nice relaxing weekend with my family in Schoorl and on Sunday I will be cheering up for my TL friends!

Pain is temporary,
It may last a minute,
Or an hour ,
Or a day,
Or a year ,
But eventually it will subside and something else will take its place.
If I quit, however,it last forever .
(Lance Armstrong)