Dam tot DamLoop 2012

I woke up with a heart beat of 180. I am excited and scared...
Today is the day i am going to run a full race of 16 km in Amsterdam, today is 9 months and 25 days  since my last race, today is 2 weeks before my ITBS release surgery...
 
It has been exactly one week since I have been managing to run everyday without any knee pain. On Saturday 15th of September, after my trip to the US and the famous American deep tissue massage that I had and left my whole leg bruised in blue for 4 days, I went on a run "Pre-Ameland Run" with a nice group of runners and I managed to run  9 km without much pain. I was very surprised but I thought that the next day it will get bad!! But It didn't!!

Yesterday I went on another 5 km run when I came home super hyper energetic and those are the signs of a good run. My  hubby asked me why don't you run Dam tot Dam since you have a start number and see how far you go? Well I answered I am not ready! I love racing because I love to run fast and be faster than my fastest time.... so why even bother....and I am scared, what if I stop in the middle of the way? Now i have been enjoying my pain free run of 5 km why would I want to ruin that?

So he gave me my start number for Dam to Dam, he got it via his work and he was hiding it from me, he didn't want me to be disappointed again and he said tomorrow you should run it! Take your phone with you Just send me your location the moment you feel any pain and I will pick you up!

Hell Run Chicago

It was time for another vacation and this time the destination was: USA

During my 3 weeks stay I got to meet my sister, who lives in Chicago. She knows how frustrated I have been with my knee injury, but still she signed me up to a Hell Run race on Sept 1st with the idea that we go there and have lots of fun! 

Hell run Is a 5 k of muddy fun! I have never participated in an event like this and it was super wild.

 Basically you run a little bit then climb huge walls

and  wade through a pool of mud,

I did it!! My First Triathlon

In my perfect world I'll be the triathlete tearing the Olympic course in London next month and challenge for the Ironman championship in Hawaii. But dreams begin with that first step and for me it's the time when I registered for my first triathlon 10 min away from my house, a 500 meter swim, 20K bike ride, and a 5K run on the Lint in Vleuten.

I'm a total newbie, my swimming skills sucks big time, I am nowhere to be considered a good swimmer I never took lessons or anything like that  I only swim just to swim! Cycling?... well I don't regularly bike but I know how to bike and I am big fan of Lance Armstrong! Running? Well that’s where I can consider myself a good amateur runner in an injury free situation.

The day started with a nice sunshine and me being very nervous! Why Nervous? I really didn't trust my knee in the last weeks I have done too much and I knew that I have been over doing it! The worst thing I was scared of that I won't be able to finish the 5 km run! I put a confidence attitude and my goal was to enjoy a nice day with family and friends! The start of the 1/16 was at 10 am  and the start of the 1/8 triathlon was at 11:00. Ans came by me at 9:15 and we went together to pick our start packet. The wind was really hard and it felt almost cold! I am not complaining I just couldn't wait to start! I missed racing so much!

Just Before the Start with Ans

Swim
Swimming is my least favorite event! Who cares? I am going there and going to give it all ! Water temperature was 21 degrees. it was basically warmer than the temperature outside. The gunshot went off at 11:00 and 500m of swimming were in front of me! I didn't expect that it would be so hard but I loved working myself out!  For sure from now on I will be hitting the lake or the swimming pool to improve my swimming skills!! I want to be fast a fast swimmer! :)

Transition 1
It went smooth but I wasn't super happy because I felt the whole world was faster than me. This is just because I have a competitive attitude...event hough I had no other expectations!!  I run out the water to the area where I left my bike, I put my helmet on , my start number and of course my shoes and hit the 20 km ride, knowing that I can catch up a little bit...

Bike
Biking on the Lint was very nice! My legs felt strong, I felt strong, I had my favorite music in my ears, wind with me or against me nothing was going to stop me from pedaling my heart out!  I felt the adrenaline rush running through my veins! I freaking missed and loved that feeling! As predicted I must have past over 20 ladies.... Biking average pace was 33km/h...

On the bike!

Road to Recovery

After much research and experimentation I'll now publish my thoughts on the most effective approach to coping with Iliotibial Band Syndrome. It should be noted that this is a nasty little injury and must be attacked in an aggressive manner, as it will not go away on its own. It's also a deceptive injury that made me think many times that I am “cured” but I was wrong!

You have to be mentally strong and keep seeing things positively, which it was not in my situation but you live and learn! Mentally I was broken, since December it just seemed running and me were not getting along at all!! It was a serious fight, I fight the pain and the pain was fighting me… Without the right attitude the pain will always win! I was everyday trying to run and everyday I was getting disappointed and I didn’t want to try anything else, I was more negative than positive and  the main thing that was missing is believing in myself, which delayed the whole recovery process.  

Google

So lately for short you could call me Mrs Google, I haven’t left one document on the internet, I didn’t read about it! The more you read the more you start dreaming about Mr Google and this can drive you insane!!
Advice DO NOT GOOGLE an injury you end up with nightmares! So I had to experiment lots of things I read and honestly you don’t want to know everything… Here are few things I tried…

Physiotherapist

I visited way too many physiotherapists, sport doctors, chiropractor…I think my insurance company soon will be coming to my house knocking on the door with a Huuuuge Bill.

I even went to an osteopath…Yep I found him on google :) I might need to call him "wonderDoctor" because after my last visit and after he clicked my back and my leg “Klik Klak” things started to get better.
Was it really thanks to him? Well I am sure he added some values to my recovery.

Motivational Picture

 

Few Months back I was fighting with myself if I should run Utrecht or Rotterdam marathon.
Today, it would be day # 106 since the last time I had a good run. Not being able to run any of these marathons has been very hard. I still can't  run without pain. The pain doesn't want to give up on me!! Now I can't even imagine that I ever run a marathon or I cant even imagine that I will ever run a marathon again in my whole life! 

 I am thankful to this picture from Beirut Marathon
which keeps me motivated and keeps reminding me that
once I was a runner,
once I run a marathon,
once I did finish a marathon,
and once not only run but run FAST.
This picture hides 1000 of words and memories. 

Beirut Marathon- 27-11-11 - First Lebanese woman- 3:09:09

Pain is Temporary, Running is Forever

I am at the peak of  my fitness: I have done everything I can to get myself at this level of my fitness, i run my first marathon in 3:11 then second marathon within 6 weeks in 3:09, life couldn't be better at that time... I am thinking about huge PRs, thinking about running Utrecht marathon as an Elite runner, I am visualizing it, i am dreaming of it and maybe Olympic games down the road… then went out on a run 2 weeks after the marathon and came home limping.  One day, a dark day, I get out of bed and all the sudden my left knee starts to kill. Something happend, and I can’t run anymore.

A flood of emotions hit: I am scared, confused, upset, angry, and nervous all at the same time. It’s an icky feeling. I felt that my world is collapsing. I found myself going through the 5 stages of grief:

Denial – I’ll be fine tomorrow! It’s just a little ache. Nothing major. Or I’ll even go run on it anyway because there is no way it could be anything bad. January 1st i did run anyway with a pain in my knee...

Anger – Why me? Why me? WHY ME!!? I don’t deserve this.

Bargaining – I can make it through, I will run Egmond and take few weeks off then I will run Schoorl and I will be ready for Utrecht Marathon. I can run through pain It can’t make it worse, can it? I’ll do whatever I can!

Depression – Why do I even try to stay in shape? Why do I even bother to run in the first place? I’m a failure, my life sucks, nothing is making me happy, nothing is giving me energy. The sun should just stop coming up…. 

Acceptance – I’m injured. There is nothing I can do about it but let myself heal. This too shall pass. So at least I better enjoy the moment...

With my current injury, I was in denial until I visited 4 phisio and they all came with the same answer. Then it was difficult to get past the middle three stages. When I went to Schoorl and watched the race I started thinking about what time I would have liked to run and in what time I would have finished. I would start bargaining. I would start bargaining because it killed me to know that I am not there at the start of the race. I would start to feel almost depressed and negative which is against my personality, because I am a very happy positive person in normal life. Then now, I am allowed to run again, although only for a short amount of time and slowly, and I am finally accepting it. It took me a long time to reach acceptance.

Dealing with the emotional side of injury is half the battle. It’s probably more like 3/4 of the battle for us runners or at least for me. I can tolerate physical pain, that’s for sure. I wouldn’t enjoy running if I couldn’t. But the fact that running has such a heavy influence on my emotions is what makes it so difficult. You know how they say the “Runner’s High”. That’s because running is so cathartic and it boosts my endorphins! It’s hard to feel good everyday when one of the things that usually boosts my mood is taken away. 

Life is more then just running but I love running so much that’s why I still get upset that I am injured! I miss it so much! No one would understand unless you are a die hard runner.
Many days already, when looking at the sun on an early morning on my way to work or on an early sunday wanting to run with the sunrise or looking at the moon wanting to run under the moonlight,    I cried and cried my heart out!!

Today it was a great emotional motivational day. I biked the Utrecht Marathon course behind the top runners! I was very emotional because i should have been also running with them but motivational because talking to other runners about my injury and hearing their thoughts and advice sometimes is what i need to stay motivated! My short term goal is to be able to run again and my long term goal is to be running in Rio in 2016.... I want to go to the Olympics because i can... I am lucky enough because i only have to run a sub 3:00...I have the time and i know i can and for now let the time heal me...so let it be!!

" I will be back running and even stronger…."

 

I just heard this song by Cold play " fix you"it Illustrates how I feel sometimes!!

 

Being on the Spot

February 2012 I had the honor to be featured in
Runner's World Nederland.

The photo was taken sometimes in January I had to step in -10 weather in a short and t shirt! I was freezing! I think from the photo you can see how I am so contracted! Overall i had a great time...

"Feeling of a Star"